Parting's pain..

I'm blogging again.
These days this is the only channel of my frustration and also my best companion.
Everyday's a mess for me.
Not sure how to live my life.
This sure is a problem, coz honestly, I don't see a point anywhere.
I mean, turning 360 degrees in infinite plane, it's just chasm.
I should be happy that I'm going back again, with a cheap fare too.
But why do I feel noone wants me there.
I should be happy my eldest brother is back, but why do I feel that he's a stranger intruding instead?
Why do I feel that I'm replaced?
That I'm always the last resort?

There's only 3 reasons people find me:
1. They need something from me.
2. They're super bored.
3. I'm just a substitute coz the actual person they wish to be with is not there.

I'm too much of an idealist, where I believe in the goodness of people.
But the fact is, in this world, everyone is selfish and everyone's always thinking of their own end.
I want to be happy but I don't know how.
Mixed up, messed up life.