THE SCRIPT

Watching The Script For The First Time on Good Friday (29th March 2013).
It was awesome!!!!
I love them so much since their first album in 2008 when they came up with the ultimate heartbreaking song "BREAKEVEN".
Their songs are those I will never get bored of, and I still got chills sometimes listening to the emo songs on a quiet night.
I really wish I could have gotten the chance to ask where do they get such inspiration to write those songs that can be so personal yet so easy for people to relate.
It's amazing how the lyrics of their song flow..
Maybe he's been through bad breakups many times like Taylor Swift but his is the matured and deeper version than hers.
And the Danny has my favourite kind of voice; a little bit hoarse and deep.=)

I still can't believe he walked down my aisle and I got to see him so close and get to touch his arm even for  just a millisecond.
I admire how he can still sing while being attacked by a bunch of crazy girls shouting and shoving him as he went. @_@
Guess it's an occupational hazard.

But I guess the sad thing is that their love song don't make much impression to me. =p
It don't connect to me the way their emo songs does.
But I still love them.
I really do hope they continue to make good music. =)

Currently listening to Long Gone and Moved On,
" I still don't know how to act
  Don't know what to say
  Still wear the scars like it was yesterday...
  But I still don't know where to start, still finding my way..."

2013: Year of Seconds

The second time I am joining marathon (not sure if this is the 2nd time I finish >_<)

The second time I am wearing braces again.

The second time removing my wisdom tooth.

The second time I work again ever since IA.

The second time I live in Thomson 800 and ironically, second time getting kicked out of here again.

Well, it's as if I am re-visiting the past all over again..

I hope all the second time gets better outcome than the first.

Learn from mistakes.

This is gonna be a year of pain..

Move move move, again.

Stop asking me to move.. JUST STOP!!!!!!!
I wanna stay put.. I want things where it is now.
That's if it's Singapore. Unless I'm asked to move to another country..
Then I will gladly pack up and leave..
But here, it's bad enough as it is..
I am just adjusting to everything around..
Moving from denial phase to acceptance..
STOP ASKING ME TO MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hating Singapore even more.

Hating myself even more even more.

I wish I wasn't here or anywhere else.
I wish I cease to exist.
Then people can all live happily without getting annoyed by my whining everyday..
It sure as hell annoys me as I annoys them.

Dreading tomorrow..

疲倦

重新与跑步有了精神。

发现自己已经无法独立了。

累了，还需要继续！

今天总算有了一天的休息。

为和辛苦呢？

因为想要超越自己的极限，

也为了在这个人生找到一些成就。

我答应自己，这次是我最后的马拉松了！

以后不要再跑这么远了，担心我的脚会受不了。

我记得以前我有答应自己一样的东西， 但我先在好像返回了自己的诺言。

哼！现在真的真的是最后一次了。

希望可以拿到好的成绩， 所以以后再也没有遗憾了。

加油吧！ 我一定行的！=)

“死不了就还好”

Decided

So I signed up for the 2nd Full Marathon on 13.03.13.
At first I was thinking why should I add more to my problems and stress.
But I think getting busy is good..
My mind is constantly thinking about preparing for the run that I did not really dwell much about anything else.
Work worry still cross my mind every now and then even on the weekend. Sigh.
Don't know whether I can juggle so many things at once, but I guess I have to try to find out.
If I fail, I don't want to regret that I didn't have the guts to try.
Same as putting on braces, it's another tough commitment for 2 years.
It's gonna be a lot of pain.. Especially with the titanium insert..
It is like implanting a screw to your gum, and I have to put on 6 pieces!
But it save me from extracting 4 of my teeth and the doctor say it is a better choice..
So I guess, more pain to come.
But pain is good, it means I'm still alive..

Another bad news, apparently September the owner wants to take back this unit.
Does that mean I have to move again? >_<
Nooo... I don't want to...
Can't this happen 2 years from now?
Does it have to be now?
Another worry that I am going to have until September..
When can I ever have a peace of mind..

And when can I start my piano lesson again???????????
>_< Keep putting it off.. Sigh..

Sunday blues again.. gonna get worse tonight..
Maybe another round of drink will help..

So true..

Exactly the case right now.. Sigh..

Should I or should I not..?

Should I take another leap of faith just a mere 2 months away from the event?
>_< HOW??
I want to but I don't know if I am capable..
What happen to the confidence I once have 2 years ago?
The determination to do something that I myself am not even sure I am able to accomplish..

I guess when I saw the route was not going to be in Changi, and it looks interesting...
That initiates my desire to run again.. =p

I got nostalgic thinking about 2 years ago when I first start to prepare for it..
Got abandoned by my friend who PROMISED to train together..
That selfish prick..
Luckily, I got to know 2 amazing guys through him..
One of them who came to NTU to help me train even though he himself is not joining..
So thankful at times at how things unravel..
Although at that point it seemed so stressful..

Just like now.. At work, at life, at everything..
I'm trying to persevere day by day..
I feel like an outlier at work..
An anomaly..
What was once a happy news to be accepted in HP, now it sounded like a wrong call..
After knowing that my team mates all have bad grades..
I feel like a trash picked up from the rubbish bin by my Boss..
No longer felt the pride of being hired by an MNC..
IT IS ALL A LIE!!!
DON'T TRUST THE SYSTEM!
I really feel like throwing things on the ground these days..
ARGH!

Cars in Singapore

I used to think that having a car in Singapore is a big thing..
Whenever someone has a car and he brought us out to eat or go somewhere, I always feel happy!
Maybe it's because cars are so expensive here that when someone has it, it speaks of status?
Or maybe in NTU where you are so far from anywhere, the thought of going anywhere by car seem nice..
But now, I suddenly I change my mind..
I don't think having a car is any big deal anymore..
I don't look forward to people offering me rides anymore..
Maybe because it is not mine and I hate the fact that there is no freedom when I catch a ride..
I have to follow the person's schedule and all..
Especially now in HP, they like to drive out for lunch..
I got no control where they go and after the meal is finished, I have to wait for the car driver to drive me back..
So I guess I like freedom much more than luxury..
But even if I have my own car, I will hate the hassle of buying petrol, finding parking and not to mention the cost of all of the above..
That's why I prefer walking and bus now despite the crowd..
Still get tired squeezing and standing throughout the journey..
But hey, I can go wherever I like, anytime I like.. =)
Which is a good thing..
I no longer have the envy for people with  cars.
Does that mean I am maturing? =p

It's been a while..

So finally I have some leisure time on this wonderfully lazy Sunday to write something here..

After that horrible incident on my b'day and swearing not to talk to that person anymore..

As usual I forgave him again.. >_<

I have erased his phone number from contact list and have not responded to his facebook message and line..

However, one night there was this unknown number calling me and I made the mistake of picking up..

Haha, it was him. So he asked why and bla bla bla.. and as usual I ended up forgiving him. 

Sigh.. When will people start to take my anger seriously.. Maybe when I stop laughing every time? 

After October nothing much happens except the continual search for a job..

And voila! My b'day wish came true! I got a job before the year 2012 closes.

Spent December at home with conflicts with family that makes me stop communicating with everyone of them since I came back.. OR as much as possible.. If they call me then I will reply shortly.

January was an adjustment period at HP..

Getting oriented  mostly with the people and culture..

Not so much on the work yet..

What I found out about my team culture was horrible! >_<

I am just a misfit inside there and I know this will have its repercussion in time to come.

Couldn't understand what they are thinking and why their actions..

Sigh, what can I do now but complain? And try to wiggle myself out of irritating occasions such as lunch (which so far I am able to avoid) and stupid "discussions" & "meetings (which sometimes I am still stuck in).

Aside from the peeps, I am still afraid of the responsibilities I am about to take..

It's true that HP makes me lazy.. And it doesn't help that I have to learn many softwares with my lazy attitude. 

February has ended too.. How time flies.. 

Don't take my youth away so quickly!

I am having a mid-20-life crisis now..

Too many dreams that I want to chase that I have put off just to focus into one straight path in life..

And at the end of it I wonder if it's worth it.

I don't want to regret anymore..

Normal working hours already takes up so much of my time that I wonder if I have to do OT will I ever have time to do anything else.

And I get very tired after work each day that I don't do anything meaningful at night.. >_<

Every Sunday (like today), I have the worst feeling every time it's about to go dark..

Every time I think about work I feel sad..

I wonder how people who love their job feels..

I wish I could be one of them.. =(