Monday, 27 July 2009
31st July.
The clock's ticking nearing the deadly arrival of the 11th august. I so don't want to go back. Everytime I think about school, my mind goes blank as if rejecting even the thought of it. Some might say I'm crazy for going back on the first day of school. But they really have no idea how much resent I have to living in hall. It sucks. I just hate to use the bathroom where it's no privacy and maybe even disgusting sometimes. I hate the fact I have to stand the humidity of Singapore without aircon and offing the light to spare myself from the added heat from the lightbulb. I hate to climb 7 storey up and down to get my laundry and having my clothes drenched when I hung it outside and it rains suddenly. I now hate eating alone. Living alone. Studying alone. I feel so empty everytime I came back from Bdg. Sometimes I wonder why do I have to bear with such condition when I have just the perfect, absolutely perfect house here. What's my aim? I don't like engineering, it never was my first choice. If I'm really pursuing something I love, it might be a comfort. But even studying is a chore. So why am I there and what should I do? Sigh. It's ok, just let me complain coz in the end I still have to go through all of it all over again. Sem1/Sem2 will repeat itself in Sem3? I have no energy left to even care.
Sunday, 26 July 2009
reunion at the round table.
Slowly but surely, I think I'm really loving shopping.
My resolution of trying to upgrade my appearance is backed up by my dad.
He's my personal shopper. Haha.
I think I can see why people say I'm his favourite.
He doesn't even shop for himself as he find it a chore. Yet he's the one who's so enthused to take me shopping. "Coincidentally", all the clothes he chose are the ones that he commented nice, the rest of my wardrobe is not approved.
My mom is worse when it comes to fashion. For herself it's ok, she's so slim, everything looks nice. When I look at her I always ponder why don't I get her slim and tiny genes? Especially her legs. Don't say hers, in my family, compared with my dad, mom and brothers, I have the fattest legs...... WTH right? Anyway, my mom never really teach me to be feminine and to dress up. What she inherit to me is her inability to shop. We are the same as in we can go around the whole day trying to shop and end up buying nothing. -_-
I was also looking at photo album the other day and found that when I was young, I look exactly like my eldest bro and he look really cute. =p Hence, me too. And I see how fit my dad was with his 8-pack bod and my mom ofcourse with her plasma contour. My second bro was quite fat but he's been fair since back then.
As I flip through the pages, sadness creeps in as I realise that what I'm looking at is just memories. And I do wonder how 2 people who loves me unconditionally can hate each other this much. In those pages are proof of the times passed together, all the smiling faces. But how can they forget all of that? Can't they even remember how it used to be? Or are they so consumed by greed that nothing else matters? All that's remembered is bitterness, and even the sweetest memories are turned as mistakes and blame. Something happens along the way that only they themselves know and it's no use now. So when are they ever gonna let go and move on?
My resolution of trying to upgrade my appearance is backed up by my dad.
He's my personal shopper. Haha.
I think I can see why people say I'm his favourite.
He doesn't even shop for himself as he find it a chore. Yet he's the one who's so enthused to take me shopping. "Coincidentally", all the clothes he chose are the ones that he commented nice, the rest of my wardrobe is not approved.
My mom is worse when it comes to fashion. For herself it's ok, she's so slim, everything looks nice. When I look at her I always ponder why don't I get her slim and tiny genes? Especially her legs. Don't say hers, in my family, compared with my dad, mom and brothers, I have the fattest legs...... WTH right? Anyway, my mom never really teach me to be feminine and to dress up. What she inherit to me is her inability to shop. We are the same as in we can go around the whole day trying to shop and end up buying nothing. -_-
I was also looking at photo album the other day and found that when I was young, I look exactly like my eldest bro and he look really cute. =p Hence, me too. And I see how fit my dad was with his 8-pack bod and my mom ofcourse with her plasma contour. My second bro was quite fat but he's been fair since back then.
As I flip through the pages, sadness creeps in as I realise that what I'm looking at is just memories. And I do wonder how 2 people who loves me unconditionally can hate each other this much. In those pages are proof of the times passed together, all the smiling faces. But how can they forget all of that? Can't they even remember how it used to be? Or are they so consumed by greed that nothing else matters? All that's remembered is bitterness, and even the sweetest memories are turned as mistakes and blame. Something happens along the way that only they themselves know and it's no use now. So when are they ever gonna let go and move on?
Friday, 24 July 2009
once upon a lazy friday afternoon.
Recently, I don't really have the mood to blog. Or maybe I'm having nothing to write on. As the clock ticks nearing the 11th of August, my happy mood is diminishing just as fast.
Can't believe it's only been a week since I came back from Bali. Since then I've been sleeping early and waking up early. It's really a good thing as I need to adjust to a healthy life habit since I'm going back to N** soon. =( I need volunteer to accompany me full time so I'm not that sad.
The weather is crazy today. In the morning, the sky was shroudded by grey clouds which was actually giving me false hope as towards the afternoon the sun shone so brightly giving me a headache. I quickly retract to my room, shut the curtain and lie on my bed. Not long after that, I heard the sound of rain outside and yet when I look out, the sky's still bright. And now, the rain has stop but the weather is hot again.
To cure my headache, as usual i head for a cold bath and I do feel better. haha. Anyway, I'm addicted to Lady Gaga's Paparazzi. I love her songs but not everyone likes it. My 2nd bro for example, thinks it's too weird.
On Sunday, Hans came over and I spent the day with him. Monday, Baskin and Robins Ice cream, superdelicious. Tuesday, going around eating the whole day and then watched Harry Potter until 11pm (1st time I came home so late going out with a friend). Wednesday, swam alone. Thursday, went out with dad and swam alone again. Fell in love with Brusselspring waffle icecream. missing Bali Bakery's cheesecake. =p'
"Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be. You gotta love urself before u can ever love me."
Can't believe it's only been a week since I came back from Bali. Since then I've been sleeping early and waking up early. It's really a good thing as I need to adjust to a healthy life habit since I'm going back to N** soon. =( I need volunteer to accompany me full time so I'm not that sad.
The weather is crazy today. In the morning, the sky was shroudded by grey clouds which was actually giving me false hope as towards the afternoon the sun shone so brightly giving me a headache. I quickly retract to my room, shut the curtain and lie on my bed. Not long after that, I heard the sound of rain outside and yet when I look out, the sky's still bright. And now, the rain has stop but the weather is hot again.
To cure my headache, as usual i head for a cold bath and I do feel better. haha. Anyway, I'm addicted to Lady Gaga's Paparazzi. I love her songs but not everyone likes it. My 2nd bro for example, thinks it's too weird.
On Sunday, Hans came over and I spent the day with him. Monday, Baskin and Robins Ice cream, superdelicious. Tuesday, going around eating the whole day and then watched Harry Potter until 11pm (1st time I came home so late going out with a friend). Wednesday, swam alone. Thursday, went out with dad and swam alone again. Fell in love with Brusselspring waffle icecream. missing Bali Bakery's cheesecake. =p'
"Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be. You gotta love urself before u can ever love me."
Saturday, 18 July 2009
dealing with a psychedelic skunk.
It's the end of another chapter of my holiday. Bali trip was 5 days and it felt as if it's long but not as in dreading-it-to-end kind of long. I'm really lucky to have my friend there and i really am grateful and thankful for his companion and help. I can't say this enough coz I really don't know what else to do to express my gratitude. Honestly, if he's not there, it would've been a disaster.
As I always say, ''There's always a first time for everything." Well here's my first time going on holiday with a friend, and I can say I'm feeling repressed for the last few days I was there. But as my father said, "if you do something, then do it willingly, otherwise don't do it and feel forced." This is really another personality problem that I have which is I will give in, be nice, even though my heart is not willing. So I ended up feeling forced and complaining about it. It's bad coz after I complain, I feel like I'm backstabbing the person, yet if the situation presents itself again, my action will be the same. I will almost always try to placate the person by forcing myself. Why must I be such a masochist? I'm hurting myself, burdening myself. I see others who'll just outwardly voice out their opinion, unhappiness towards someone irritating but I just can't.
Recuperating at home today and now I'm feeling very sleepy at 10pm which is a weird occurence for me. haha. I shall continue tmrw!
To be continued...
As I always say, ''There's always a first time for everything." Well here's my first time going on holiday with a friend, and I can say I'm feeling repressed for the last few days I was there. But as my father said, "if you do something, then do it willingly, otherwise don't do it and feel forced." This is really another personality problem that I have which is I will give in, be nice, even though my heart is not willing. So I ended up feeling forced and complaining about it. It's bad coz after I complain, I feel like I'm backstabbing the person, yet if the situation presents itself again, my action will be the same. I will almost always try to placate the person by forcing myself. Why must I be such a masochist? I'm hurting myself, burdening myself. I see others who'll just outwardly voice out their opinion, unhappiness towards someone irritating but I just can't.
Recuperating at home today and now I'm feeling very sleepy at 10pm which is a weird occurence for me. haha. I shall continue tmrw!
To be continued...
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
Indonesia.
T0mmorow is an important day for my birth country; Indonesia. The day has finally come to decide the precidency for 2009-2014. No doubt I have my preference and I fully support him, but it's a very sad fact that I can't participate in the election due to several reasons. I really wish I could give my voice, my 1 tiny little civilian voice for him.
After reading the papers, watching the TV and getting acquainted with the local politics, he has become me idol. His calm composure, his patience and his integrity are all the right ingredients that makes him worthy of being president. Despite the ever surmounting protests and opposition, he's always so cool. He's got charisma that I can't deny, I really wish I could get a chance to meet and talk to him. I want to know how a great leader thinks, not to mention getting upclose and personal with such a cute guy. I'll be so thrilled. SBY my idol^_^v!! Love u to bits and pieces.
After reading the papers, watching the TV and getting acquainted with the local politics, he has become me idol. His calm composure, his patience and his integrity are all the right ingredients that makes him worthy of being president. Despite the ever surmounting protests and opposition, he's always so cool. He's got charisma that I can't deny, I really wish I could get a chance to meet and talk to him. I want to know how a great leader thinks, not to mention getting upclose and personal with such a cute guy. I'll be so thrilled. SBY my idol^_^v!! Love u to bits and pieces.
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