it's been exactly a year now..
time is really contradictary.
sometimes i feel it flies sOOOo fast, yet at times so sluggish i just want it to past.
time is the best medicine.
coz it will heal all pain, cure all sadness, nothing escape the power of time.
u, u, u.. enough of u!!!!
i can't seem to rid my mind of u..
can't sleep ytd and amazingly i lost my appetite since the 24th.
the thought of bumping into u got me out of myself, butterflies in my stomach.
and i dreamt 2 days ago...
we were sitting on a field with many ppl around us..
u were beside me and u poke the scars near my ankle and i looked up.
i saw u were smiling at me, and i felt relieved...
then i wake... and realised it's a dream..
not sure what to do today.
if i go to my cousin's, then i won't get to spend new year with my 哥哥。
yet if i stay, we won't be doing anything anyway, so most likely i'll emo at one corner.
lol, choices choices choices....>_<
okok, let me close 09 with a little more grace.
thanks to...
- 大哥，我爱你。
- hans, for still being the closest cousin ever.
- devina, my oldest bestest fren.
- u, still thanks even though... u left me speechless, so speechless.
- mom, dad and 二哥 , sorry for being 5th, coz u 3 make me mad many times this year!!
- all my 阿姨，我也爱你们！not to forget ci anny, ko abe and ci maria..
yepp, closure on 09.. i still wish u well, i still hope we can bury the hatchet, but if it's better for u, then hate me all u want. if it makes ur life good then blame it all on me. once i thought i hate u so much, but i can't. i just can't hate u, or anybody who hurt me so... my bad...
and to the rest, have a happy new year... =)
Thursday, 31 December 2009
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
nasib vs takdir.
do you believe that no matter what u do, there is a destiny that can't be denied? that your future is already there and is not in your hands? what u do, whatever choices u make, u will eventually end up there as so planned by a higher power beneath us?
OR
do you believe that destiny is in our own hand? that whatever future depends on each choice u make, every turn right or wrong, determine a different fate? that every left or right u choose leads u to a different end point?
i choose to believe there's a mix of both. in this life evrything is never absolute, hence both theory applies. some things are able to be changed and some future are carved by our vision and ambition... yet some things are beyond our control and is already mapped out nice and definite before we even know it...
AND so the question lies: " what are those that can be changed by our choices and what are those that are fixed by the one above?"
OR
do you believe that destiny is in our own hand? that whatever future depends on each choice u make, every turn right or wrong, determine a different fate? that every left or right u choose leads u to a different end point?
i choose to believe there's a mix of both. in this life evrything is never absolute, hence both theory applies. some things are able to be changed and some future are carved by our vision and ambition... yet some things are beyond our control and is already mapped out nice and definite before we even know it...
AND so the question lies: " what are those that can be changed by our choices and what are those that are fixed by the one above?"
Saturday, 26 December 2009
somehow.here.is.gone.
xmas eve.
hans came at 11 and we wrapped our presents and left my house at 1.45pm.
jam, everywhere jam. anw, we went for McD drive thru and he ordered ice cream cone coz he's driving and i ordered sundae. yumm, ice-cream so good. =p
then we reached his house exactly at 3pm while he's alrd in panic mode coz his mom suppose to use the car, but thankfully we're not late. haha.
we ate lunch and then we went to swim. ooh, good swim, so refreshed. the cool water, i'm loving it. plus that day was raining!! the rain is back after many days of sweltering hotness. =)
then went back to his house and i shower while he cooked instant noodles. i refused to eat instant noodle!! haha, he was very funny after the swim, he haven't finished his noodle and he's already opening the fridge looking for things to eat. he keep saying he feels so weak, no energy. hahaha, we're both waiting for dinner at Ah-pe's house that night. it's his favourite Hainan Rice somemore, he so excited.
we then reached a little late coz of dilly-dallying as usual. i know i was forewarned, but he's there...
this time smaller context than the wedding. he's so close. i was eating and he's like in such close proximity, i can feel my face burning, and i suddenly lost my appetite. i forced myself to eat while not sure what to do, or how to act. he doesn't even look at me, i think he took me as invisible. somehow that hurts.
after dinner we sat down for the small mass of singing carols and a little word from the Bible as usual. hans was in the middle. i felt super awkward, not sure why coz he just take me as non-existent. but i can't do the same i guess, and i don't know why. i kept stealing glances at him, and he was just.... well, just like that.. i can't describe it, but as the night goes, i felt the squeeze in my heart grows tighter and tighter. anw, came the xchanging gift part and he 散的很快。i presume he's out smoking per usu. haha, i kind of cheated a little by snatching hans' gift coz he knows the one he got didn't have any forfeit. i'm so petrifed of doin funny stunts that i did that. =p anw, his wasn't that embarrasing so i guess i'm not that guilty. =D
throughout the game my mind's seriously not there. my mind wonders outside to where he was, thinking does he NOT want me there? NOT want to see me for he hate me so? or he don't even give a damn?
it's really complicated. it's not as if i still like or anything. i can't even describe what i'm feeling. i just know it hurts to be hated. and i really wish i could rectify this situation. for worse his mom wished me merry xmas and said to me : " ..wish you more blessings in the coming year, get a boyfren next year.." well... i interprete it in the worst possible way again.. i thought maybe she found out, or that she just wants me out of her son's life. somehow, i feel like the bad girl, seriously feel like a 狐狸精。
it was the end.. hans sent me home and on the way i finally came clean with him and told him everything. he was shocked i guess, and asked me how all these while i never told him? it was my mistake, i should have told him from the start, i know i could always count on him, he would have come to my rescue and things wouldn't have come to this.
anw, what's done is done...
hans came at 11 and we wrapped our presents and left my house at 1.45pm.
jam, everywhere jam. anw, we went for McD drive thru and he ordered ice cream cone coz he's driving and i ordered sundae. yumm, ice-cream so good. =p
then we reached his house exactly at 3pm while he's alrd in panic mode coz his mom suppose to use the car, but thankfully we're not late. haha.
we ate lunch and then we went to swim. ooh, good swim, so refreshed. the cool water, i'm loving it. plus that day was raining!! the rain is back after many days of sweltering hotness. =)
then went back to his house and i shower while he cooked instant noodles. i refused to eat instant noodle!! haha, he was very funny after the swim, he haven't finished his noodle and he's already opening the fridge looking for things to eat. he keep saying he feels so weak, no energy. hahaha, we're both waiting for dinner at Ah-pe's house that night. it's his favourite Hainan Rice somemore, he so excited.
we then reached a little late coz of dilly-dallying as usual. i know i was forewarned, but he's there...
this time smaller context than the wedding. he's so close. i was eating and he's like in such close proximity, i can feel my face burning, and i suddenly lost my appetite. i forced myself to eat while not sure what to do, or how to act. he doesn't even look at me, i think he took me as invisible. somehow that hurts.
after dinner we sat down for the small mass of singing carols and a little word from the Bible as usual. hans was in the middle. i felt super awkward, not sure why coz he just take me as non-existent. but i can't do the same i guess, and i don't know why. i kept stealing glances at him, and he was just.... well, just like that.. i can't describe it, but as the night goes, i felt the squeeze in my heart grows tighter and tighter. anw, came the xchanging gift part and he 散的很快。i presume he's out smoking per usu. haha, i kind of cheated a little by snatching hans' gift coz he knows the one he got didn't have any forfeit. i'm so petrifed of doin funny stunts that i did that. =p anw, his wasn't that embarrasing so i guess i'm not that guilty. =D
throughout the game my mind's seriously not there. my mind wonders outside to where he was, thinking does he NOT want me there? NOT want to see me for he hate me so? or he don't even give a damn?
it's really complicated. it's not as if i still like or anything. i can't even describe what i'm feeling. i just know it hurts to be hated. and i really wish i could rectify this situation. for worse his mom wished me merry xmas and said to me : " ..wish you more blessings in the coming year, get a boyfren next year.." well... i interprete it in the worst possible way again.. i thought maybe she found out, or that she just wants me out of her son's life. somehow, i feel like the bad girl, seriously feel like a 狐狸精。
it was the end.. hans sent me home and on the way i finally came clean with him and told him everything. he was shocked i guess, and asked me how all these while i never told him? it was my mistake, i should have told him from the start, i know i could always count on him, he would have come to my rescue and things wouldn't have come to this.
anw, what's done is done...
Thursday, 24 December 2009
the song that's stuck in my head...
super tired today.
9.30: sms hans i'm up but let me bath first.
10.00: hans called, i'm still lying in bed. forced myself up.
10.30:continue watching "watchmen" while gorging myself on food.
12.00:sms hans say i wanna finish the movie so will be leaving house late.
12.30:finish watching and on my way to IP.
13.30:i'm early, walked around.
13.50:hans arrived, walked around the mall, drink bubble tea, he drank minute maid.
15.30:went to Pascal Hyper Square, walked around, he bought a swimming pants and t-shirt, I bought a short pants for run.
16.00:met intan at happypuppy for a session of karaoke. iren and raymond was there. drank lemon tea till bloated >_<
19.00:daniel fetched me for dinner. wanted to eat at some steak place but road was blocked due to exploding vehicle. it was flaming and it's quite shocking. in the end we just went PVJ and ate jap, we both feels like we're at can A. wth. anw, i ate ramen, same as him.
20.45:watched avatar. went in a bit late. missed the front part a little. was an ok movie, don't know what's the big deal that everyone loves it to death. i just don't see it.
23.30:movie ends, a little worried i go home too late.
23.45:reach home. no trafiic!!!
00.15:daniel went home after using my internet for a while.
00.30:on msn, bathe, then went off after bathe coz dad called.
01.15:cooked noodle for dad and here i am.
was planning to wake up early tmrw morning to swim but i think cnt, i'm so dead tired.
plus hans is coming tmrw morning(don't know his definition of morning) to wrap the present. yepp, christmas present exchange and ci anny's house tommorow.. huhuw, haven't exercise in a week, can feel the fats depositing on all parts of my body. gulp.
lotsa things on my mind. i do miss u a little after hearing about the incident. maybe it's pity, but i can't even look you in the eyes. i don't know if you look at me but i kind of wish i had enough courage to look at you in the eye and see what reaction you give. i did blame you wholeheartedly, i hated you thoroughly. but i guess it's my stupidity that brought us to this point. i realise it's unfair to think of me as a victim; it takes two to tango. yet as i discover more lies you told me, i only blame myself for being so gullible...
will you ever talk to him again?
i did think that i never want to have anything to do with him anymore.
but now i guess it's up to him...
i'll always be here for a listening ear, a helping hand.
---saturday wedding---
there's a first time for everything...
friday is pure bliss. come saturday and i'm mixed up messed up.
my brother and his gf pissed me off.
my ex were both there at the wedding.
i felt cinderella-like till the clock struck twelve and i'm back to reality that i'm in fact no cinderella but just a less than ordinary girl...
don't want that night to end...
or at least let it end without me in tears. again.
but oh well...
all good thing comes to an end.
expectation. disappointments.
songs that broke my heart, that make that sadness lingers as if it were yesterday. just in the mood to mourn now that xmas and new year's around the corner. so much pent up emotions, so much memories i try to forget. so much scars that's yet to heal. so much what ifs.
如果你想忘记我也能失忆。
9.30: sms hans i'm up but let me bath first.
10.00: hans called, i'm still lying in bed. forced myself up.
10.30:continue watching "watchmen" while gorging myself on food.
12.00:sms hans say i wanna finish the movie so will be leaving house late.
12.30:finish watching and on my way to IP.
13.30:i'm early, walked around.
13.50:hans arrived, walked around the mall, drink bubble tea, he drank minute maid.
15.30:went to Pascal Hyper Square, walked around, he bought a swimming pants and t-shirt, I bought a short pants for run.
16.00:met intan at happypuppy for a session of karaoke. iren and raymond was there. drank lemon tea till bloated >_<
19.00:daniel fetched me for dinner. wanted to eat at some steak place but road was blocked due to exploding vehicle. it was flaming and it's quite shocking. in the end we just went PVJ and ate jap, we both feels like we're at can A. wth. anw, i ate ramen, same as him.
20.45:watched avatar. went in a bit late. missed the front part a little. was an ok movie, don't know what's the big deal that everyone loves it to death. i just don't see it.
23.30:movie ends, a little worried i go home too late.
23.45:reach home. no trafiic!!!
00.15:daniel went home after using my internet for a while.
00.30:on msn, bathe, then went off after bathe coz dad called.
01.15:cooked noodle for dad and here i am.
was planning to wake up early tmrw morning to swim but i think cnt, i'm so dead tired.
plus hans is coming tmrw morning(don't know his definition of morning) to wrap the present. yepp, christmas present exchange and ci anny's house tommorow.. huhuw, haven't exercise in a week, can feel the fats depositing on all parts of my body. gulp.
lotsa things on my mind. i do miss u a little after hearing about the incident. maybe it's pity, but i can't even look you in the eyes. i don't know if you look at me but i kind of wish i had enough courage to look at you in the eye and see what reaction you give. i did blame you wholeheartedly, i hated you thoroughly. but i guess it's my stupidity that brought us to this point. i realise it's unfair to think of me as a victim; it takes two to tango. yet as i discover more lies you told me, i only blame myself for being so gullible...
will you ever talk to him again?
i did think that i never want to have anything to do with him anymore.
but now i guess it's up to him...
i'll always be here for a listening ear, a helping hand.
---saturday wedding---
there's a first time for everything...
friday is pure bliss. come saturday and i'm mixed up messed up.
my brother and his gf pissed me off.
my ex were both there at the wedding.
i felt cinderella-like till the clock struck twelve and i'm back to reality that i'm in fact no cinderella but just a less than ordinary girl...
don't want that night to end...
or at least let it end without me in tears. again.
but oh well...
all good thing comes to an end.
expectation. disappointments.
songs that broke my heart, that make that sadness lingers as if it were yesterday. just in the mood to mourn now that xmas and new year's around the corner. so much pent up emotions, so much memories i try to forget. so much scars that's yet to heal. so much what ifs.
如果你想忘记我也能失忆。
Monday, 21 December 2009
Thursday, 17 December 2009
心情不好。是我天天的事吧。真不知道朋友们这么会受的了我。
想了又想，还不能放过我生日的事。
今早一上msn就看到steven的nick又是用了我那句话。
超不爽，所以叫他可不可以换，他并没有。
前几天，我的一个朋友也用了我的另外一反话。
心里真的有点生气到想不要跟他们做朋友了。
是不是过分了点？
我就是这样，不能改变。
只会请救多多宽容，也真的真的如果我说了一次，不要故意再次做我不喜欢的事!!
作天我为了星期六去逛街。真的很感激有我朋友陪我。她对我很好，帮我挑，叫我试穿，帮我看，买还是不买也有她說服我。我真的不会打扮，所以需要她这样的朋友。
但还是没有信心。这几天觉得自己好丑。=（
跟朋友们我觉得自己是最差的一个。
读了不该读的东西，阿---心情好乱。
还有我喝了点酒，醉熏熏的，可是很爽。哈哈。
想了又想，还不能放过我生日的事。
今早一上msn就看到steven的nick又是用了我那句话。
超不爽，所以叫他可不可以换，他并没有。
前几天，我的一个朋友也用了我的另外一反话。
心里真的有点生气到想不要跟他们做朋友了。
是不是过分了点？
我就是这样，不能改变。
只会请救多多宽容，也真的真的如果我说了一次，不要故意再次做我不喜欢的事!!
作天我为了星期六去逛街。真的很感激有我朋友陪我。她对我很好，帮我挑，叫我试穿，帮我看，买还是不买也有她說服我。我真的不会打扮，所以需要她这样的朋友。
但还是没有信心。这几天觉得自己好丑。=（
跟朋友们我觉得自己是最差的一个。
读了不该读的东西，阿---心情好乱。
还有我喝了点酒，醉熏熏的，可是很爽。哈哈。
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
somehow even though it's the holiday, my mind's not at peace.
sigh. i need to relax. my mind refuse to cooperate.
i'm trying my best to socialise eventho what i need now is a familiar friendly face.
to be honest i've been quite disappointed for a while now for the way some treat me.
waw, my blog's so deserted, i think it's sad, maybe i should shut it down.
shall give it a real thought.
anw, saturday's coming!!!
i'm hoping for a happy time with relatives, but i can envisage the awkwardness where i'm left alone at the side.
maybe it's my paranoia, but it's exactly bad experiences like those that scares me of these events.
first, there's my apppearance, 2nd there's the crowd, 3rd there's always that unforeseen circumstance where i'll make a fool of myself?
watched 2 movies on dvd; state of play and vanilla sky.
i like the first, but the latter was so-so.
don't want to face stars!! i'm petrified it's going to be like last sem!!
2 core modules i couldn't get!!
plus i really need my labS to be any other day than monday.
i'm having such a bad feeling that ntu's going to screw me like always,
giving me a hard time on everything.
twist and turn and screw me all around!! I HATE IT.
Lady luck please help me this thurs at1.30pm sharp.
allow my internet to be fast, my timing to be accurate and the rest to be slowpokes and let them suffer my bad luck for a change..
okay, i sound so bad, maybe i'll get twice more screwed.. =S
haven't swam again, or exercise for that matter.
hmm, tmrw and the next day i foresee no exercise again, gonna be a pig ready for slaughter on sat.
sigh. i need to relax. my mind refuse to cooperate.
i'm trying my best to socialise eventho what i need now is a familiar friendly face.
to be honest i've been quite disappointed for a while now for the way some treat me.
waw, my blog's so deserted, i think it's sad, maybe i should shut it down.
shall give it a real thought.
anw, saturday's coming!!!
i'm hoping for a happy time with relatives, but i can envisage the awkwardness where i'm left alone at the side.
maybe it's my paranoia, but it's exactly bad experiences like those that scares me of these events.
first, there's my apppearance, 2nd there's the crowd, 3rd there's always that unforeseen circumstance where i'll make a fool of myself?
watched 2 movies on dvd; state of play and vanilla sky.
i like the first, but the latter was so-so.
don't want to face stars!! i'm petrified it's going to be like last sem!!
2 core modules i couldn't get!!
plus i really need my labS to be any other day than monday.
i'm having such a bad feeling that ntu's going to screw me like always,
giving me a hard time on everything.
twist and turn and screw me all around!! I HATE IT.
Lady luck please help me this thurs at1.30pm sharp.
allow my internet to be fast, my timing to be accurate and the rest to be slowpokes and let them suffer my bad luck for a change..
okay, i sound so bad, maybe i'll get twice more screwed.. =S
haven't swam again, or exercise for that matter.
hmm, tmrw and the next day i foresee no exercise again, gonna be a pig ready for slaughter on sat.
Monday, 14 December 2009
!__H-O-L-I-D-A-Y__!
lately i kind of feel that noone's reading my blog anymore, haha, oh well.. I still like to write..
i contemplate on adding the tag board coz i look like such a loser when noone ever writes anything. so yeah, please write something so that i know my blog's not a total lifeless.
anyway, i went to run yesterday, yeay!!
was feeling kind of lazy in the first place but since i've put on weight and can't stop eating, i forced myself and went!
it was the best!!!
running along the pinus trees, breathing the fresh air... yumm..
it's not all relaxed though.
there's always that point when they made you climb up vertically that i feel all the air knocked out of me.
like yesterday, first they made you climb up, and then steepppp down, then up..
3 times!!!
and it's really more than 100steps of stairs.
i was panting and beads of perspiration were dripping down my forehead down to my chin and onto the ground...
i looked up and say the person in front of me was so far ahead.
i took one step at a time... gosh it was painful.
but the feeling when you reach the top is priceless.
the view was superb, i wish i had brought my camera but i left it at home to charge..
aghhh, so sad...
anyway, my toes hurt again and the million grass cuts are hurting my hand and legs..
adding to the already bad condition of my skin.. agh agh agh..
oh, and i was upset when i went to try on a dress yesterday!!..
that fitting room mirror is BAD!! I look like a pregnant woman..
AGHHHH... and i can't do diet now when i want to eat so much..
but this sat!!!!!! i don't want to look FAT.!!!
gaaaaaah...
this morning i ate chips and whole bar of chocolate on top of my breakfast and i wonder why i get fat.. hmmm, i can't have both side of the world, accept it!! says Sam..=p
i contemplate on adding the tag board coz i look like such a loser when noone ever writes anything. so yeah, please write something so that i know my blog's not a total lifeless.
anyway, i went to run yesterday, yeay!!
was feeling kind of lazy in the first place but since i've put on weight and can't stop eating, i forced myself and went!
it was the best!!!
running along the pinus trees, breathing the fresh air... yumm..
it's not all relaxed though.
there's always that point when they made you climb up vertically that i feel all the air knocked out of me.
like yesterday, first they made you climb up, and then steepppp down, then up..
3 times!!!
and it's really more than 100steps of stairs.
i was panting and beads of perspiration were dripping down my forehead down to my chin and onto the ground...
i looked up and say the person in front of me was so far ahead.
i took one step at a time... gosh it was painful.
but the feeling when you reach the top is priceless.
the view was superb, i wish i had brought my camera but i left it at home to charge..
aghhh, so sad...
anyway, my toes hurt again and the million grass cuts are hurting my hand and legs..
adding to the already bad condition of my skin.. agh agh agh..
oh, and i was upset when i went to try on a dress yesterday!!..
that fitting room mirror is BAD!! I look like a pregnant woman..
AGHHHH... and i can't do diet now when i want to eat so much..
but this sat!!!!!! i don't want to look FAT.!!!
gaaaaaah...
this morning i ate chips and whole bar of chocolate on top of my breakfast and i wonder why i get fat.. hmmm, i can't have both side of the world, accept it!! says Sam..=p
Monday, 7 December 2009
one more one more one more.
but i can't seem to gather any strength to study for tmrw.
shall it be another gone case?
my mood's pretty gd, not coz I nailed thermo, but just coz it's over.
geez... 1 week of agonizing wait for the inevitable.
yesterday I when I'm done revising part 1 at 11 and I was so sleepy, coz the night before I slept at 3.30am.
so learning from 2008, I decided against cramming and decided to wake up at 5am.
set my alarm and all, off the light, close the curtain and lie on the bed...
then I cannot sleep!!
so after tossing and turning till 12, I got up and bathe..
the first time I use a little of the hot water here coz it's pretty cold..
i turned my comp, on my msn, and continue with entropy..
arnd 2 I can't continue anymore, so I decide to sleep and wake up at 6am..
then I toss and turn until 3+ when I guess I finally doze off..
can't wake up at 6, lie around until 7 and bath again, with semi-hot water again.
I felt so cold this morning which is a rare occurence for me here.
after shower I curl up on my bed wearing my jacket and tried to read till 8+ and went for the exam..
as I wait outside the examination hall I felt the pressure building up inside and tears swelling up.. I managed to calm myself and got through it..
After adjusting to my current single room situation, I kindda get back the feeling of how it used to be when I have the room for myself in thomson.. I kindda miss it.
I don't have to sit still and care about my action disturbing my room mate.
I can lie on the floor like I use to.. I can sing in my horrible voice and I can on the music on speaker.. My things are strewn on the floor, no need to be so neat all the time. hey I am tidy but sometimes the mess speaks to me; that this is my space, it's comfortable and relaxed. =)
I gotta enjoy this 1 more day before going back tmrw...
ENDURE!!! PEACE of mind be with me...
but i can't seem to gather any strength to study for tmrw.
shall it be another gone case?
my mood's pretty gd, not coz I nailed thermo, but just coz it's over.
geez... 1 week of agonizing wait for the inevitable.
yesterday I when I'm done revising part 1 at 11 and I was so sleepy, coz the night before I slept at 3.30am.
so learning from 2008, I decided against cramming and decided to wake up at 5am.
set my alarm and all, off the light, close the curtain and lie on the bed...
then I cannot sleep!!
so after tossing and turning till 12, I got up and bathe..
the first time I use a little of the hot water here coz it's pretty cold..
i turned my comp, on my msn, and continue with entropy..
arnd 2 I can't continue anymore, so I decide to sleep and wake up at 6am..
then I toss and turn until 3+ when I guess I finally doze off..
can't wake up at 6, lie around until 7 and bath again, with semi-hot water again.
I felt so cold this morning which is a rare occurence for me here.
after shower I curl up on my bed wearing my jacket and tried to read till 8+ and went for the exam..
as I wait outside the examination hall I felt the pressure building up inside and tears swelling up.. I managed to calm myself and got through it..
After adjusting to my current single room situation, I kindda get back the feeling of how it used to be when I have the room for myself in thomson.. I kindda miss it.
I don't have to sit still and care about my action disturbing my room mate.
I can lie on the floor like I use to.. I can sing in my horrible voice and I can on the music on speaker.. My things are strewn on the floor, no need to be so neat all the time. hey I am tidy but sometimes the mess speaks to me; that this is my space, it's comfortable and relaxed. =)
I gotta enjoy this 1 more day before going back tmrw...
ENDURE!!! PEACE of mind be with me...
Sunday, 6 December 2009
I woke up with a feeling of trepidation mounting as the date of the exam came nearer.
No matter what I did, I couldn't cajole my brain to study.
I went to library, nope, headache.
I went to run, nope, headache still there.
I went to eat ice cream, nope, headache got worse.
I listened to songs from my ipod, and opted for those emo songs while looking at the pictures in there. Haven't looked at those pics for so long..
Photos from as far back as 2005, and updated in Jun07...
I find that my friends have changed so much while I look pretty much the same..
Except for the braces, which, is a 2-year-waste coz my teeth is as crooked as ever now..
I think I'm reaching a new height of stress where self-inflicting pain is involved...
I actually hit the wall till my hand is bruised, and I keet pressing on the bruise to feel the pain..
I did feel happy that it turn blu black.. oh no.
Or this morning my head was so irritating that I feel like beating it up in frustration.
Luckily I still have self constrain.
GAHHH, this sem is literally driving me crazy.
I really am turning into a loon.
So I went to the net and search for quotes in the thought of finding self-motivation and stop myself from a psychological catastroph.
Found some nice saying...
"Nothing can bring peace but yourself" - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
"I demolish my bridges behind... then there's no choice but to move forward.." -Findtjof Nansen.
Anyway, I didn't study but I did clean up my room, and start packing.
The open suitcase on the floor was a hope to cheer me up but I feel indifferent.
Oh and yeah, my roommate went back to malaysia today, but she hasn't come back to hall since thurs anyway.
Probably stayed at her sis. She never said goodbye to me =(.
Ahh, now I'm feeling how my roommate felt last year when I sleptover and forgot to sms her..
haha, karma does exist...
Watched the MV for paramore- brick by boring brick. love the music and video! =)
No matter what I did, I couldn't cajole my brain to study.
I went to library, nope, headache.
I went to run, nope, headache still there.
I went to eat ice cream, nope, headache got worse.
I listened to songs from my ipod, and opted for those emo songs while looking at the pictures in there. Haven't looked at those pics for so long..
Photos from as far back as 2005, and updated in Jun07...
I find that my friends have changed so much while I look pretty much the same..
Except for the braces, which, is a 2-year-waste coz my teeth is as crooked as ever now..
I think I'm reaching a new height of stress where self-inflicting pain is involved...
I actually hit the wall till my hand is bruised, and I keet pressing on the bruise to feel the pain..
I did feel happy that it turn blu black.. oh no.
Or this morning my head was so irritating that I feel like beating it up in frustration.
Luckily I still have self constrain.
GAHHH, this sem is literally driving me crazy.
I really am turning into a loon.
So I went to the net and search for quotes in the thought of finding self-motivation and stop myself from a psychological catastroph.
Found some nice saying...
"Nothing can bring peace but yourself" - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
"I demolish my bridges behind... then there's no choice but to move forward.." -Findtjof Nansen.
Anyway, I didn't study but I did clean up my room, and start packing.
The open suitcase on the floor was a hope to cheer me up but I feel indifferent.
Oh and yeah, my roommate went back to malaysia today, but she hasn't come back to hall since thurs anyway.
Probably stayed at her sis. She never said goodbye to me =(.
Ahh, now I'm feeling how my roommate felt last year when I sleptover and forgot to sms her..
haha, karma does exist...
Watched the MV for paramore- brick by boring brick. love the music and video! =)
Friday, 4 December 2009
It's night like this with the moon hung up so perfectly up there that make me smile.
Just for a while, I let the cool air after the heavy rain calms me down.
The night before was disaster, I lost my cool yet again.
I felt like a rubber band, stretched beyond it's elastic capabilities.
I try to withstand the strain that's applied more and more each day.
This is officially the longest exam in my whole life in the sense that it drag on and on...
I didn't know it'll be this bad. But it is. There's a limit to the time for stress.
I'm burnt out. Really2 burnt out.
I still have a lot to learn, yet I'm not able to absorb anymore.
Seeing how others has finished, celebrating, dragging luggages going back to their hometown doesn't help either.
The library got more empty each day and though I'm happy for the space and quiet, I felt like I'm fighting a lone battle.
Somehow it doesn't matter anymore...
I force my brain to swallow the graph and theories and it forces out the information with equal and opposite force.
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH is my fav word these days...
ANYWAY~
...let's begin the last 4 days of the semester that I can't wait to say good bye to....
Just for a while, I let the cool air after the heavy rain calms me down.
The night before was disaster, I lost my cool yet again.
I felt like a rubber band, stretched beyond it's elastic capabilities.
I try to withstand the strain that's applied more and more each day.
This is officially the longest exam in my whole life in the sense that it drag on and on...
I didn't know it'll be this bad. But it is. There's a limit to the time for stress.
I'm burnt out. Really2 burnt out.
I still have a lot to learn, yet I'm not able to absorb anymore.
Seeing how others has finished, celebrating, dragging luggages going back to their hometown doesn't help either.
The library got more empty each day and though I'm happy for the space and quiet, I felt like I'm fighting a lone battle.
Somehow it doesn't matter anymore...
I force my brain to swallow the graph and theories and it forces out the information with equal and opposite force.
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH is my fav word these days...
ANYWAY~
...let's begin the last 4 days of the semester that I can't wait to say good bye to....
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