End Of May.

IT's the 31st!!
Went to jakarta on saturday and came back yesterday night.
I had a very fun time there!
It was just an ordinary hang out routine; lunch, movie, dinner, walking around malls...
But I sure enjoyed myself. ^_^
Stayed over at my fren's place.
Even though I can't sleep and we woke up wayy to early(4.30am) to go to church, I don't really mind.

Maybe I was too tired towards the end, and I collapsed and slept for almost 12hrs to payback my lack of sleep today.

Went to supermarket today!! =)
I'm confident of my driving now even though I still am not very smooth with manual.
But I'm no longer scared.
The drive to jakarta was a bit too frightful for my dad, but I was unusually composed.
Here's the story..
We're at the highway and I was driving at 160km/hr when this truck around 5m in front of me suddenly change to my lane.
I pressed the brake slowly but my dad was, "WHOA, SLOW DOWN!!! BRAKE DIANA, BRAKE!!"
Weird enough, I didn't start to panic like I always do, instead, I pressed the brake full and the car managed to stop close behind the truck.

Lesson: never panic, coz maybe my dad over-reacted or maybe it was really me too reckless. But hey, panic never does any good! =p

Prince of Persia was good! I love Jake Gyllenhaal. He's super cute and HOT. =D

Sunday's hike was amazing!!!
The track was too short, but I miss it so much...
The mountains and trails.
Climbing step by step through tea plantations and rocky road with drizzle on my face, it's THE BEST FEELING!!!

I'm re-reading twilight again.
Makes me dreamy to be honest.
Want to buy some new novel soon.

Monday. FINALLY went singing!!
HAHA, my voice sucks, totally suck, but I still love it. ^_^
SO happyyyy...

I know I'm lazing around while others are busy trying to fill this holiday.
Maybe I'll find something to do soon, or maybe later on.
For now I just want to spend time with my brothers and home coz it's important to me. =)
So give me a break and let me rest my mind a while.
But the thought of next thursday is making my heart at unrest. =(
praying hard for all to turn out well and pushing all the negativity out of my head!!

SUMMARIES!!!

A week has passed since my arrival back home.
I call it short coz it's been only 1 week only and yet I call it long coz I feel I've been here a long time probably coz I've done so many things.

After 7th May days seem like a blur and yet very eventful at the same time.
I'm enjoying it so much and yet there're worrying aspects;

1. I overspent, wayyy overspent...
2. I over-played, wayyy overplayed.. which leads to moody me, and came with it the outburst I had with a fren.

Let me recap my eventful week..

7: 2004 final, lunch at can14, chit-chat in my room, went to hall12, then to hall8 and help someone move, then ETG, Yishun, pool at OCC, punggol nasi lemak, back in hall at 3am.

8: Shopping at Cityhall, Manhattan Fish Market, JP Starbucks.

9: Lunch at Ria with Iva, GRII in the evening.

10: Overslept for breakfast with lai, Orchard with Marlene, Lido lunch and after aeons.... Photobox at Cine!!! =D

11: Moved 2 boxes in the morning. Town again, Lucky Plaza for keys, K.P.O, 313 with daniel dkk. Din Tai Fung with GL (broke!!).

12: Morning LJS breakfast at IMM with mario, Starhub, old Can A EID meeting (SAW YFF eating subway with Nader =D ). Back to room to do video, Holland V xlb with Zinc, Ray, JY and Laika. (broke^2!!!). JP with JY, walking arnd, McD's $1 sprite and $2 ice-cream. =p

13: PS Manhattan Fish Market lunch, Vivocity Pacific. Brownies mocha!! yummm... goggles and cover. NYNY dinner (broke^3!!!!!). Late night run.

14: EID, 8am - 3pm. Mindblowing exhaustion and fun at the same time. YFF AGAIN!!! =) Penisula plaza and Queenstown, Clementi outburst!!

15: LJS and bubble tea in the morning. Airport incident =S. Finally am home. Sam and crew came at 9plus pm.

16: GISI at 10am. Sambara lunch at 12+. Dago shopping hunt part 1. Riau Junction. Massage. Rumah Mode. PVJ dinner, Auntie Anne's, Carrefour. Martabak. “我是华人”incident.

17: Strawberry, Tangkuban, Ciater, The Valley, Dago shopping hunt part 2. Padang dinner. Tok panjang incident. Late night chat till 1am.

18: Goodbyes at 11am. St. Boromeous in the evening.

19: Ci anny, ci jeanny and frens came in the morning. Hans too. Badminton for like few minutes, eat and eat and eat. watch DVD, laugh a lot, he went home.

20: Morning blood check up and stuff. Doctor's appointment at night. Waited from 8pm till 10pm for a 15 minute session. =S

21: Swimming at 6pm, FINALLY!!! =D

22: Cut hair, Yamien!! =p Pt Rasa ice cream!! St. Boromeus again. Sakura to buy the blood pressure machine thingy. Ikan Cianjur =D.


What a longgg list. Haha, mostly for my benefit coz I want to remember my days. =)

it's only been 2 weeks then.

of flowers, butterflies and pearls.

Okay, I will not let myself sink into depression.
I am going to fill these last 3 days with laughter, fun and joy.!
Trying to go out as much as possible coz I don't want to face my messy room.

A belated: "IT'S OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!"

^__^.

Hooo nooo, cannot study!!!
Freak weather making me sick..
First it rain so damn heavy this morning and then it become so freaking hot now!!
Went to library for a very little while, ntg is going in..
I don't know why but I feel like staying in my room today..
Drinking coffee now trying to infuse some energy and spirit..

I failed to keep it to myself again..
I had a fast sharing session with Sam even when I told myself this time let me keep it in.
But I can't, coz it's eating me alive and telling people about it eases some of my unfound worry and craziness..
No matter what their response are (although sometimes their advice doesn't help or make it worse) =p.


2 more days Diana, jia you jia you!!!

I have been writing this post since afternoon that now is 1 more day left!!
and I want more time.. >_<
so drunk on materials ohhhhhh myyyy...

Heed Teguh's advice and I went walking from 8 pm in my PJs only with my notes and room key.
Walked to ADM there and I stopped at LWN at 9.30 to go toilet and ended up sitting for 1 hr.
Next I continued walking from SBS to South Spine and Hall7 and back to my hall.
Reached back at 00:00 and buzzing mind.

MUST. REACH. TODAY's. TARGET.
Thanks to nescafe I might just be able to hang on. =p

Yesterday was..different.
It was University Day and the Library was closed so I went to study at SAC for the first time.
Many people was there and I for some reason wanted to not be afraid of new crowd.
Somehow I ended up going for exam prayer meeting.
It was nostalgic, it reminded me of the times I went to bibble study and stuff.
The atmosphere is more or less the same, the songs oddly are those I know too.
Then I went for dinner with 3 other people in Can16 and after that I went beck to SAC to study.
Nothing is going in and ended up chatting.
I am afraid to open up myself and I told myself I must be different, so I am as honest I can be, I share a chunk of me and I felt a little regret coz what I say is all so spontaneous.
When I am so honest like that, I feel.. vulnerable.
But I don't know what makes me respond that way too..

When I got back I started to overanalyse everything again and I am stopping.
Really, I mean it when I want to be different!

Damn, old habit die hard.

On Saturday afternoon I received a forwarded sms from one of my lab mates.
It was out of the blue but the timing couldn't be better..
I was extra broody on friday and saturday and its things like this that cheers me up.
New aquaintances this sem really made an impact.
Like today, I really need company to start up studying again, and among all the people, my another lab mate was the one who came to school to study with me. =)

I realise I need to buck up!

另一个失败。

I started the day with only one thought; let's get this over and done with.
It ended not so well as I couldn't keep my calm..
Anyway, feelings, sometimes I could make do without them.
I just feel so... AGHHH!!!

Tech comm oral presentation was very bad, I was so upset when I saw that evaluation form but I told myself forget it!
What's done it's done - get out, go out!!
Even when part of me just want to curl up in my room and sulk, I went out of ntu out of JP the whole day and I felt liberated!! It felt so long since I went out!!
This should be the way to spend after exam...
Eat nice food, watch a movie and walk around.

But this time at the back of my relaxed mind is the disappointment trying to prod its way back to the centre of my mind. Next is guilt trying to keep me from enjoying myself..

I came back at 11plus.
I called dad and it started with me trying to sound happy about my time out but it ended with me crying yet again to tell him all about my feelings.

I felt I have tried so hard, but I guess it ain't hard enough.

I let myself cry, always, but I always wipe it away, and pull myself together.
Let it be my way of getting through some difficult days and I hope people will stop judging me about it.
I am strong in my weakness and even if noone sees it, I know I am.

I'll tear my heart apart with all my imagination and cry as if there's no tomorrow, but the next day I'll be ok and I'll be fine.

I'm fighting the fear inside me and I will conquer it!