A Loaf For Bread.

My dad says my star's shining; people are nice to me, things are going smoothly overall..

I really need to start counting my blessings instead of my misery..

Firstly, the most important thing is my diet. I no longer eat once a day and starve myself. This improves my mood and since I've got more energy, I'm more active. Trying to not care so much about weight. Never over-eat yet never let my stomach suffer too. Plus the key is to exercise!! Which sadly I haven't been doing much lately.. Need to get off my lazy ass and start running, swimming and I really really really want to play badminton again.

Secondly, I'm glad for this holiday at home. Even though people may see me as lazy, good-for-nothing, useless bum for not finding a job or not particularly doing anything, I know I gain lotsa things from this. I am home a lot and I become closer to my eldest brother. The initial hostility towards him has totally gone. I really love him and I think he loves me too (hopefully)=). I remember the way he always give in to me when I was young, or the way he took care of me when I was sick, or when he play make-believe-dolls with me? Sweet memories.

Thirdly, my dear cousins who have become distant few holidays back has started to become close with me again. Maybe it's my attitude, noone likes to hang out with depressed me. I'm certainly more cheerful or more able to cover my sadness. Either way, I'm more open now.

Fourthly!! Most important!! I managed to drive, actually DRIVE my SWEET suzuki vitara. It's like I can cross out 1 thing from my to-do-list-before-I-turn-22 which is to be ABLE to drive a manual car. Specifically, my loveliest, cutest, sexiest vitara! No matter how my dad disapprove me of driving this old car, I'm determined to be able to drive it. Thank's to you, who brave the death ride with me on the driver seat. I finally can declare, I AM A DRIVER!! hehe.. But still, I won't dare to go to the street alone, yet my confidence certainly swell. =D

Fifthly, I successfully baked loaves of bread today. My 3rd attempt. So happy...


Sixth, 12th of July, my gateway to 5-days of holiday, as in holiday away from home. I'm so glad to have my friend there who makes this possible. Without him, no hotel, no fun without his company too I guess. Looking forward to meeting him ^_^. Haha, going just the 2 of us, she's bound to get tired of me I'm sure.

Seventh, school. Finally resolved, I've made up my mind, no regrets. Or too late for regrets actually. Trying to have a positive outlook on this whichis the most difficult I must say. NTU really brings me down, I'm trying to see the half-full glass, yet they keep draining it away..

Eight, my hair is finally long again... I love my hair,my long, straight, sometimes-too-dry hair.=)

Ninth, it's been a while since I thought about LOVE. Or more specifically to yearn for a boyfriend. Yesh, I can be alone. I won't be swayed, it takes more than sweetened words to get me =). Yesh, I'm not that easy. Believe me.

I'm able to use head over heart now. I used to be quite helpless yet now I'm determined, to be logical, not emotional. Be more like a guy, I can do that I'm sure.=p

Nothing can bring me down, not even a comet the size of a Mars coz I love the feeling of feeling good.

Getting obsessed with materials and all it's goodness.

Thursday was an eventful day.
It was both memorable, happy and sad all mixed into 1 day.
So many things can happen in the course of a day actually.
I was really glad that I managed to control my anger.
However, I was not satisfied with how calculative I am.
Must stop it!


Friday is another great day spent with my cousins.
We wanted to watch Transformers but the tickets were sold out.
So we bought DVD and watched it back at home.
It's so cool to have a cousin you grew up together with and with merely 2months less 1 day age difference.
I remember when I didn't came back for 3 yrs...
When I came back, my Aunt forced him to call me, and I ended up going to his house to cook chocolate.
We started talking again and it's as if I never left.
From then on we became as close as last time.
Maybe we matured and our relationship follow suit.
Anyway, he's leaving for work out of town tomorrow for 2 months and I won't be seeing him till the next time I came back December.
Another cool thing is that we got our own chemistry, we can watch a boring show and make it fun by talking nonsense and commenting on the show's minute scenes.
I can be a child again, playing catching and chasing him around for taking my sandal.
Well, I guess I can never have any relationship as unique and fulfilling as with him.
Yet we're all growing up and soon I guess it's time to say goodbye..
He'll have his career, or maybe even his wife and we'll grow apart.
But that's life.

Which brings me to the fact that I finally booked my flight back after a scolding from dad.
Btw, I received a good news 2 days ago...
I'm glad it happens but still, I wonder what path I'm destined to take...
It's all so confusing. >_<
Hmm, but I still can't shake off the feeling of jealousy over the fact that my friends left me out few weeks ago after talking to a friend and she told me about their outing.. I wish they hadn't done that to me. OMG, I need therapy. STOP this feeling.

No Love.

Staring out into the world across the street

You hate the way your life turned out to be

He's pulling up in the driveway and you don't make a sound

Cause you always learn to hold the things you want to say

Your always going to be afraid

There's only hate

There's only tears

There's only pain

There is no love here

so what will you do?

There's only lies

There's only fears

There's only pain

There is no love here

Broken down like a mirror smashed to pieces

You learned the hard way to shut your mouth and smile

If these walls could talk they would have so much to say

Cause everytime you fight the scars are gonna heal but they're never gonna go away

You're falling, you're screaming

You're stuck in the same old nightmare

He's lying, you're crying

There's nothing left to salvage

Kick the door cause this is over

Get me out of here!!!

Time Stops For No Mouse

I'm unable to keep up with the time.
It flew by so quickly, I'm incapable of catching it.
Days go by and the dates start to become blurry to me.
I'm feeling the holiday closing on me even though it's not really that close to an end.
In fact, it's only half of the holiday.
I'm glad that my travel plan is realised, almost gave up on the idea due to various reasons.
Finally it's more or less settled.
I have been saying I want to go here go there for hols but never did anything abt it.
Now, luckily I've got a friend to go with me.
So yeah, gonna make this trip happen no matter what coz I need this getaway.

My dad is really supportive of me and I'm glad coz if not, I think I would've given up.
When I told him maybe I'll just cancel the trip, he says "WHY? NO, YOU MUST GO!!"
Sometimes he will also say, "other people's children begs their father for things, for more allowance, how come I'm the one who always forces you to buy stuff, to use money."
It's true that I'm kind of stingy, to myself mostly.
I remember in JC, I would save up 45cents bus ride by walking home or going to novena under the blistering hot sun. When I look back now, I find it foolish. Why? Becoz I was still using student fare!! Should've use up the concession in good use and travel everwhere. =p

I'm really going!!! Excited? Yes.
On the other hand, I'm afraid I will miss home.
Thinking that around 1 week of lost time at home, I'm sad.
I love my house that much!! Since I live in Singapore, every second at home is precious.
Maybe if I stay here for good I'll go out everyday like my 2nd bro.
Speaking of which... nvm... shall not interfere, meddle or be bothered.
MUST STOP BEING KEPO!
That's the top of my list! =S

Encouragements, Encouragements...

For my 20th birthday, someone gave me a card that really touched my heart.
He knows me for so long, we've been close for a long time and last year he took the effort to cheer me up on my birthday.
The message inside is priceless, I have read it again and again when I am down. It is one of the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Here's what he wrote...

" Life is full of surprises - some good and some not go good, and it probably feels as though there's confusion on every turn.

But remember... As there are clearer skies and brighter days after a hard rain, this stormy weather in your life will also change.

Life hurts sometimes, but you are a survivor and I strongly believe you will make the best out of this situation."

" When things are going well for you, be glad, and when trouble comes, just remember: God sends both happiness and trouble; you never know what is going to happen next." Ecclesiates 7:14.

Eventful weekend.

I got my posting on Friday, it totally spoils my mood.
I know I'm getting into that but somehow when it's there I can't accept it.
This is why I am always scared to open my school's email, or to have to check anything regarding school. NTU phobia. Yepp, that's probably what it's called.
Life in ntu, no news but bad news, and I'm getting sick of it.

It's probably that time of the month, where my mind is occupied with all the bad thoughts, and I am emotionally out of control. For example, am getting worked up seeing my friends who know each other through me get together when I'm not there. No reason for me to be mad right? Yet I feel so left out, so sad and even a bit angry. Maybe I'm jealous, maybe I'm selfish. Keep feeling sad looking at their photos.

Or the fact that I cried after I know my posting till 3am? And slept at 5am? Crazy hormones?

Then on Saturday went to stay at the Hilton with my brother and my cousins. It was supposed to be fun and on some part it was, but I was angry over the fact that my brother took a room for himself calling his friends over, causing me to have no place to sleep and slept on the floor. In the end I slept for one half hour only.

I kept crying again that night and he accompanied me, poor him. I feel bad that he have to console me or at least try to console me. He kept asking me what's wrong, and I just say nothing.

For some time we sat at the window sill, me crying and he playing PSP.
Then we took a walk and he pester me again.
I don't know how to say, at that moment I felt so lost, over my course and was so angry at how selfish and egoistic people can be. My friends, my relatives, my family, everyone.

Never count on people, he said. But I'm not built for independence, never was.

Then he offered me to play puzzle fighter, only my favourite game in the world. He really do know me well. Like among the million games I hate, which are the exceptions. Playing it does cheer me up a little.

I am glad for my cousins. They are my sunshine here. Gym with them was so fun and it took my mind off things. Playing funny version of Bridge. Pillow fights and arm wrestling. The nickname that I used to hate. How that stupid name manage to survive till now is beyond me. But I kindda find it endearing now.

Yepp, I always exagerrate small things and make it as if it's the end of the world.
But the fact is, it's not all bad.
Don't give up just yet diana!!

i <3 gujunpyo.

Swept over by drama mania. Korea drama finally got me. Haha, finish watching Boys Before Flowers in 4 days. Feeling post-drama depression.
Love the soundtracks and been searching for those songs I like but I don't know the title, must slowly2 search. Hehe..
Funny thing when I chat with Sam, after I told him I was sad watching drama, his response was:" Is it those love story drama? You sad is it because you keep thinking why am I still single after watching?"
The answer is: "NO". hehehe.
I'm not in the mood for relationship at all.

All that I have met turns out to be J_ _ _ _ !!
(That reminds me of smtg I've been wanting to vent...)
Especially the last one, he totally makes me ill-feel.
For example, when I told someone NO, it doesn't mean I WANT.
When I said NO and am PESTERED, sometimes I relent and give in.
That doesn't mean I WANT, damn it!
Don't go telling ppl you know me, coz you don't. AT ALL!
I was irritated by your stubborn, immature acts, yes, it's pent up.
I should've ignored or gave the cold shoulder if I know that in the end this is how I'm treated. Make me the bad guy, give me the attitude, oh so mature way of dealing with it.
So angry and disgusted when I recap, so let's close it here and reflect.
>_<

Anw, today she came to my house, and I was pissed. Why?
Why the hell must she be such a b$%^&.
Stay away from my family, I was a victim, stay away from them.
Grrrrrrrr.
Was the wrong choice to meet her.

Ok, I think I need to meditate and start to think of happy thoughts.
Happy thoughts. =)

1 month hol gone, 2 to go, wad to do?

Quite long since I last blog. So what's been happening?

On Saturday, I went out with my primary school friend, she is so nice.
She took me around many places which were all interesting at it was all new to me.
I was dreading going out coz I thought it was going to be another night of mall, shopping centres, sitting around feeling awkward. But she prove me wrong, there were 5 of us and I actually enjoyed the evening. I hope for more nights like that here, I'd really love to explore Bandung=).

I ran on Sunday, and was so happy coz I've regained my usual composure. =D
It helps me move on from Wednesday run which was vexing me so much.
Looking forward to Friday and Saturday run, wish me best of luck! =)

On Monday I went to supermarket with my eldest bro.
We shopped a lot of snacks. I'm so craving for snacks and spicy food!!!
The rest of the day I spent watching Joey, that show cracks me up.
Laughing like an idiot by myself. haha.

Today, I went with dad. We went to this show room and look at cars.
Waw, it's so fun looking at it even though we have no plans on actually buying it.

My eldest bro is sick since yesterday.
I hope he get well soon.
I'm really sorry I can't be of much help as he doesn't seem to want me to take care of him.
Oh well, we're still at the formal stage, I hope we'll get closer soon.

Loving pingpong. Missing badminton. Procrastinating swimming. Burning to run.