I think that as you grow older, you start to let go of your ideals..

It's one of the things that makes you grow up..

The idea of a "perfect life" and of a "happily ever after" are for kids..

And they had such thoughts because the adults are trying to shield them from the harsh reality..

I guess I was very protected as a child..

I listen to a lot of bedtime stories, and watched a lot of Disney cartoons..

I formed happy thought and wished to fly like any other daydreaming kid my age..

Then I was left alone and it's all shattered..

I don't know when, but there was a specific moment when I just stop believing..

I started accepting that this world ain't the pretty pictures I imagine when I was a kid..

People aren't nice, people are selfish..

And I start to hate myself at times like this..

Where everything seems to be wrong and nothing can go right from here..

And it's time like this that makes me wish I could fall asleep and never wake up..

Or wishing I never exist in the first place and even questioning the point of my existence..

It's time like this that makes me feel like giving up..

Coz everything seems pointless..

And all the effort I have put in seems to be at a thread, and I hate trying to balance myself without falling down..

I need to get ready and stop having high expectation.

Prepare myself to be disappointed and stop feeling this way.