Complicated

My life has been the epitome of complicated.

My family is complicated.
I have no idea how a functional family lives.
Until now, it still complicates my life, every single step of the way..
I don't know how to live with them.
I thought I couldn't love my parents, I could still love my siblings..
But in truth, I couldn't love them anymore..
As hard as I tried, it is so very tiring to be in a one-sided relationship..

Love life has always been complicated.
I have wrong concepts of everything..
It gets the most frustrating when it comes to love..
I guess since I have never receive family love, I have weird view when it comes to BGR..
I just gets so overboard when I met someone with the least bit of interest in me..
Meaning I have very little/none self-esteem that I would jump at the very attention any guy give me..

It was painful when I was still single.
I would jump at the guy, responding to every signal, getting so sensitive, that I usually drove them away..
In the end, I was left with a broken heart..
Or for the guys who sincerely liked me but I don't reciprocate, I hurt them..

Now that I am in a stable relationship, it gets complicated twice.
First, when I entered work and I met W for the first time..
I got in a complicated relationship with him because I wouldn't divulge that I was in a relationship..
I got a marathon done better than the first out of that, but other than that, it ended badly..

The second time is now.
When I am engaged nonetheless.
I have been so lonely here in with so much problem..
When I met him, it seems like I feel happier, and that there is a huge comfort in having a friend..
Especially when I had such bad experience in the cell group..
Stupid me, thinking it was all that simple..
It got complicated.....

Complicated life.
Complicated everything.