Eventful weekend.

I got my posting on Friday, it totally spoils my mood.
I know I'm getting into that but somehow when it's there I can't accept it.
This is why I am always scared to open my school's email, or to have to check anything regarding school. NTU phobia. Yepp, that's probably what it's called.
Life in ntu, no news but bad news, and I'm getting sick of it.

It's probably that time of the month, where my mind is occupied with all the bad thoughts, and I am emotionally out of control. For example, am getting worked up seeing my friends who know each other through me get together when I'm not there. No reason for me to be mad right? Yet I feel so left out, so sad and even a bit angry. Maybe I'm jealous, maybe I'm selfish. Keep feeling sad looking at their photos.

Or the fact that I cried after I know my posting till 3am? And slept at 5am? Crazy hormones?

Then on Saturday went to stay at the Hilton with my brother and my cousins. It was supposed to be fun and on some part it was, but I was angry over the fact that my brother took a room for himself calling his friends over, causing me to have no place to sleep and slept on the floor. In the end I slept for one half hour only.

I kept crying again that night and he accompanied me, poor him. I feel bad that he have to console me or at least try to console me. He kept asking me what's wrong, and I just say nothing.

For some time we sat at the window sill, me crying and he playing PSP.
Then we took a walk and he pester me again.
I don't know how to say, at that moment I felt so lost, over my course and was so angry at how selfish and egoistic people can be. My friends, my relatives, my family, everyone.

Never count on people, he said. But I'm not built for independence, never was.

Then he offered me to play puzzle fighter, only my favourite game in the world. He really do know me well. Like among the million games I hate, which are the exceptions. Playing it does cheer me up a little.

I am glad for my cousins. They are my sunshine here. Gym with them was so fun and it took my mind off things. Playing funny version of Bridge. Pillow fights and arm wrestling. The nickname that I used to hate. How that stupid name manage to survive till now is beyond me. But I kindda find it endearing now.

Yepp, I always exagerrate small things and make it as if it's the end of the world.
But the fact is, it's not all bad.
Don't give up just yet diana!!